Dating Too Long With No Success? Stop Dating and Take the Time to Understand What Makes You Fail

If you date too long and see no success, what does it mean? Well, there could be many possibilities: that you haven’t yet found your “soul-mate”; that you haven’t yet recovered from past-relationship; that you are afraid to start again, and so on and so forth.

But if might also be that you have dated too much and feel exhausted from endless trials, disappointments. That you are disillusioned; that you are unsure whether to keep on dating or not.

When this is what you feel, keeping dating might be counterproductive; it might take you no where. The reason being, that you don’t project happiness to your date, but fatigue; not empowerment, but desperation; not patience, but impatience; not self-respect, but neediness.

The problem is, that at your age you might feel that “time is short”. That if you won’t go on yet another date you might miss someone special. That reading a book or go to a movie while still not having a partner is a waste of time.

But then, if you haven’t succeeded until now, do you have any guarantees – except hope – that “next time it will happen”?

When you find yourself in such a situation, having these kinds of fears, thoughts, hesitations and disappointments, what might you do? You may want to take time off from dating and find a way to understand what made you fail until now.

When you take some time off from dating you need to do so with a strong belief that this is for the better; that this will eventually lead you to finding a partner; that this is only a pause you are taking to re-charge, re-vitalize in order to start again, more empowered and more confident in who you are.

So while you take the time off you can engage with other activities; meet other friends; stay home by yourself and enjoy your own company.

But not only enjoy your own company: devote the time to develop to understand what made you fail in your dating attempts. This you can do by developing your Self-Awareness: Looking inwards and see what makes you desperate and needy to have a relationship; realize the fears and needs that control you, such as: the fear of loneliness; the fear of being alone; the incessant need to be loved and have a partner.

Take the time to observe – in retrospect – your attempts at dating and relationships. Notice whether there are any patterns which repeat themselves: do you immediately become dependent on your date? Do you begin to suffocate your partner? Are you driven by the fear of being alone therefore trying to please your partner as much as possible, thus allowing yourself to become a victim within the relationship? and so on and so forth.

Looking inside and observing your patterns is not easy: you confront your own issues, attitudes, self-regard (or lack of); patterns of behavior; the ways in which you sabotage yourself (some of which you haven’t been aware of until now).

But looking inside is crucial for becoming empowered to find a partner with whom to develop a successful intimacy. Observing your past experiences and learning what and how to change is crucial for making the changes you need to make. Gaining insight about yourself is of uttermost importance to realizing what you have done wrong and how you can embark on the road to success.

Step By Step Guide To Stop Feeling Insecure In Relationships

In order to learn how to reduce insecurity, you must first begin to understand your self esteem. Self belief, begins early in life. Low self esteem is the product of your upbringing and life experiences and manifests in loss of trust, self worth and self confidence.

Feelings of insecurity are learnt along our journey when you (incorrectly) learn through negative experiences to connect negative events to being rejected.

For instance, as a child, you learn to feel insecure if you are brought up with caregivers engaging in inconsistent parenting. This happens when your parents’ or guardians’ disciplines in an inconsistent manner. This inconsistency results from parenting being mood dependent, rather than consistently being based on particular rules, norms or expectations.

At school this inconsistency is highlighted on a regular basis amongst friendships. Children are going through so many hormonal and emotional changes at school, that emotional reactions and hurt feelings occur daily, if not weekly. If you were taught to perceive these changes as simply emotional and not personal, your self esteem would stay in tact. However, often children internalise these daily rejections to mean they are not liked or unwanted. Even after children make-up (which also happens daily), they can be left with the scars of potential rejection. Children then learn early how to ‘walk on eggshells’ to avoid being rejected again.

Examples of how self doubt can manifest are as follows:

– A close friend gets angry any time you have to say “no” to doing something with her, regardless of your reason
– Your partner yells at you every time he is overtired or stressed out
– A mother in your mothers group argues against every opinion you have about parenting
– Someone close to you ignores you when you are in a group
– Your x-partner cheats on you, so you become paranoid every partner will cheat on you in the future

Reducing self doubt and worry with significant people in your life

The above points highlight negative behaviours that can lead to the development of fear of rejection. Each of these examples highlights other people’s behaviours, which were internalised incorrectly as self-blame. However, this internalisation was incorrect. The examples above would best have been internalised as external responses resulting from the other person’s personal issues. Let’s quickly dissect each example:

A close friend gets angry
This is a reflection of your friend’s issues and has nothing to do with your behaviour. You have a right to say “no” when you are busy too

Your partner yells at you
His/her moods are dictating his reactions towards you. His moods are the issue, not your behaviours

A mother in your mothers group argues against you
This is a reflection of the mother either feeling intimidated by your opinions, or insecure about your role within the group. You have a right to have a different opinion to hers

Your close friend ignores you in a group
This is either an oversight, or the other person is overcompensating for their own insecurities, or jealousy, by focussing on those who may need more work to become close friends or family

Your x-partner cheats on you
This is a reflection of your x-partner and has no bearing on you. Regardless of anything occurring within the relationship, cheating is only the fault of the person engaging in the behaviour

The Top 5 Answers To Reduce Anxiety With Your Partner

1. Rebuilding your self esteem to ensure you have the strength to cope when things go wrong and to be resilient to negative experiences

2. Questioning honestly whether someone’s behaviour is a reflection of their issues (not yours)

3. Trusting in yourself and in your instincts

4. Being open and honest with those you care about to express how you’re feeling and question inappropriate behaviour

5. Living in the world of facts, not perception. So you only act on your concerns when you are 100% confident your judgement is accurate (e.g. ask if necessary before you act).

The most important thing is to believe that insecurity is not a healthy emotion and leads to negative and destructive behaviours. It’s not your fault that you feel this way, but as an adult you have the choice of either continuing to feed this, or challenging it and overcoming in. In doing the latter you will enrich your relationships, enhance your career and live a much more healthy, happy and successful life.

How to Find Your Soul Mate – Get Your House in Order (7 Tips for Women)

Are you ready to receive God’s best? He doesn’t send the supreme to a disorderly house. With that said, shift your focus. Instead of concentrating on finding a soul mate, concentrate on getting yourself prepared. By the way, as previously stated in another article, a woman doesn’t find the man; he finds her. This article discusses seven things to consider as you work to get yourself in order.

7 Tips

1. Know thyself.

Conduct a self-examination. Possessing a keen awareness of yourself is the first rule in any endeavor. With that said, what do you value? What do you respect in others? Where do you draw the line? What’s your communication style? What strengths do you bring to a relationship.

2. Love yourself.

Next to knowing yourself is loving yourself. Otherwise, how can you expect someone else to love you? Love yourself with a man. Love yourself without a man. Most important, know that Jesus loves you.

3. Keep first things first.

What takes precedence now? Some things are more important than others. A friend, for example, made raising her son the primary focus. As a single mother, she did not parade every Tom, Dick, or Harry in front of him or disrupt their home by moving someone in. Now after he went away to college, she let her hair down. Today, he is a well-adjusted, respectful and responsible man. If you’re a single parent, what matters most?

Likewise, how’s your financial health? Focus on eliminating debt and improving your credit. Your mate doesn’t want to inherit a financial wreck.

Even if your family or finances are in tack, other things supersede finding a mate. Pause for a moment or two to assess your present state. Where are you in disarray?

4. Discover your purpose

In short, uncovering your purpose is a pressing matter. Whether you have a mate or not does not exempt you from fulfilling your call (vocation).

5. Pursue your dream(s).

After you uncover the mission, get moving. Your skills and talents are the missing pieces to someone’s puzzle. Moreover, the right place is where your blessings flow.

6. Unload the baggage.

Imagine travelling from place to place with your luggage. You add more items than you remove and before long it’s difficult to carry. Aside from slowing you down, it’s heavy and awkward.

Similarly, when you jump from relationship to relationship emotional baggage accumulates. Instead of taking time to regroup or allow the dust settle, you drag the junk in your trunk (anger, confusion, bitterness, etc.). Eventually, you unload it on the next person. Stop the madness!

7. No stinking thinking.

As women, we’ve been gifted with strong intuition. Yet, we proceed full steam ahead and ignore early warning signs; I’m guilty too. At length, stinking thinking creeps in. Our track records, consequently, hold us hostage with negative views of men, relationships, and marriage. I call it stinking thinking, and it sours everything.

Therefore, change your mindset. Trust God to not only position you for your soul mate but to exceed your expectations. He doesn’t make mistakes.

How to Recover Data When Your Hard Drive Goes Belly Up

For almost as long as people have been putting digital data on magnetic media, their precious information has been getting lost. In the good old days, perhaps 20 years ago, any company or institution that lost its data was on its own. Anyone with the expertise to help was probably already either on staff or employed by the equipment vendor.

Things started to change with the growth and development of the Information Technology industry, on both the hardware and software sides. As systems multiplied and became more complex, so did the various misfortunes that could beset an organization’s data.

Enter the data recovery specialist. About 15 years ago, the first outside consultants began to get frantic calls from clients to come in and rescue their information. At that time, much of the expertise was based on proprietary software tools, written to perform on hardware from specific vendors. It took some years before companies began to specialize in data recovery. Because many data loss situations call for a ‘physical’, hardware solution, the larger companies made the major investments necessary to offer ‘clean rooms’ – laboratories where malfunctioning or damaged disk drives can be disassembled or reconfigured to yield whatever data remains.

Today, the industry is crisis-driven. Depending on how well sprinkler systems or disk drive designers have done their jobs, we work or rest idle.

All the tools and techniques that any data recovery company has amassed over time have developed or acquired on an ‘as-needed’ basis. The range of possible challenges is so broad, and the IT industry releases new products so frequently, that it would be impossible to anticipate problems before they actually occur.

Perhaps a testament to the efficiency and reliability of the latest hardware and software today, the data recovery industry is not a large one. Worldwide, there are probably 20 companies with the staff and the facilities to tackle those data-loss situations that simply cannot be resolved in-house with commercially available software or with assistance from vendors.

We have seen some companies in the data recovery field to move away from the ‘physical’ side of the business, specializing in software-only solutions rather than grappling hands-on with the disk drives and magnetic media to recover data. On the other hand, companies cannot specialize completely in the hardware side, because there will always be a need to adapt or write software to help harvest the data.

What about the future of the industry? Ironically, in a world that is becoming increasingly globalized, we think the successful data recovery business will have an important local dimension. Even though we can, and do reach around the world electronically to recover data, we believe customers will still place a premium on dealing with someone in their own region.

With almost 200 million disk drives shipping this year, and the risks they face out in the real world, we can confidently predict that the future holds unlimited challenge for the data recovery industry.

3 Steps To A Happy Relationship

I’ve spent a great deal of time working with couples who are having a hard time communicating within their relationship. One of the first questions I ask them is “Was it always hard to talk to each other”? The answer is almost always no. But over time, the inability to connect through verbal communication has faded. It is interesting to note, that I see this more in couples who are younger than 40. I believe this to be true because this demographic grew up with a mobile device attached to their hips and hands, and never really had to rely on basic interpersonal skills. And there are 3 areas that commonly cause problems for us as we try to communicate.

The first problem area is courtesy. Courtesy and basic politeness are in many cases are non-existent in my younger couples. While this can be true at any age, the art of courtesy is lacking with the 40 and younger crowd (please know that I am not making a generalization. I just see it more with these couples).

I have written about this extensively. When engaged in mindful conversation with our partner, we don’t answer text, emails or take calls. I know I am guilty of this from time to time. But both my wife and I are very good at communicating our needs when having these conversations. Just the other night as we were driving down to the water, I started to talk about our upcoming financial responsibilities. In a matter of seconds, she asked if we could please not talk about that now. That the point of going to the water was to enjoy the sunset and wildlife. In a matter of seconds, that conversation stopped, and we were able to enjoy our evening talking about more meaningful things.

By showing her respect and honoring her wishes, we were able to connect to each other and source. She stated her request. She wasn’t rude about it. I didn’t take offense to it. We had a lovely evening. Politeness paved the way.

The second area that brings couples do my door is their fighting. When two or more are gathered together, there will eventually be misunderstanding and conflict. However, if you “fight fair”, it can be a door that leads to greater intimacy. Let me try and simplify this. See the above section on courtesy and politeness. It is so important that when a difficult conversation starts, be fully present and invest in the process.

I have had couples when in the middle of a heated discussion take calls, turn of the TV set and any other thing they could do to avoid intimacy. Because that what this really boils down to. Being vulnerable and resistant to change. There are many tools out there that can help facilitate an argument. It would be helpful to research some, and have them readily available (and agreed upon) prior to a fight. It is much better to be proactive than reactive in these situations.

The last thing I want to mention is the “I’m sorry” area. So many of us have outgrown an apology. We either don’t say it. Or, we don’t mean it. You know the old saying that the best apology is changed behavior. But even before we get to that point, it starts from those words rolling off of our lips. I am sorry. And know that not every apology is an admission to guilt. You can be sorry that someone is hurting. You can be sorry that someone misunderstood what you said. The important this is say it. Give clarifications. Make adjustments. Be open. Be vulnerable and move on. It’s quite the simple process.

If you follow these 3 steps, you should be well on your way to a greater level of communication and intimacy in your relationship. When you’re polite, you will usually be met with kindness in return. If you have tools that are agreeable to the both of you prior to a heated discussion, you probably decreased the intensity by at least a third. And it’s okay to say I’m sorry and be vulnerable. If we remain closed off, the best we can expect is a relationship of little progress and superficial communication. And if you’re still reading this. I’m guessing you want more from your relationship.